Friday, January 22, 2016

The End Is Nigh

1/22/16 7:10 AM PST

The National Weather Service has issued the following warning:  The end of the world is here.  Buying bottled water at The Walmart will not help you.  Please bend over, put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.  Nearby areas are reporting herds of  panicked lemmings swarming grocery stores to purchase the last can of lima beans.  Some drivers have begun running their cars into ditches before the snow falls to get a jump on the crowds.  A snowflake was spotted in western Virginia, causing 37 heart attack related fatalities and one news helicopter crash.  If you have a god, pray to him now.  If not, you may want to find one, there are many to choose from. Atheists may exit quietly from the back of the bus, there are no further instructions for you.  Others should now make peace with your enemies, hug your children and please calmly wait for the end.  You are well and truly fucked.  Be sure to stay tuned for the new Martha Stewart special "What I Ate With Oprah In the Apocalypse".

My assigned "Motorcycle Parking" spot will remain empty today.  I consider myself a pretty hardcore commuter, but even I have my limit, which is usually when snow begins sticking to the roadways and the central Virginia populace of driving doofuses start crashing into everything.  I received an email at work yesterday reminding me to "wear boots with good traction on snow and ice" and I realized just how far we have sunk as a country, species, whatever.

By coddling all the morons and idiots out there it ensures that stupidity is the new norm.  It flies in the face of evolution and guarantees that the planet will be overrun with simpletons eating, shitting and breeding until all resources are wiped out.  Our communication has been reduced to a series of grunts and three letter texts OMG!  We live in a new world where all the corners are rounded, floors and walls padded.  We are devolving into something worse than animals, because at least they have survival instincts.

Hence one of the appealing things about motorcycles, they do not suffer fools for very long.  While I would never wish death or injury on a fellow rider, there is also no sleep lost over some retard who met his maker while trying to 12 o'clock on the interstate (other than the fact that it makes us all look bad).  The motorcyclist who refuses to learn, adapt and be aware is not long for this world.  Riding is one of the last true refuges of responsibility left to our existence in the modern void.  And responsibility means freedom.

Not today old friend


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